I wonder
by Cringe
Summary: Even the dead wonder about things. Kikyo takes a moment to reflect about herself, and wonder whatifs and whys.Rated for AN to Kikyo haters...


Disclaimer: ...Me no own...don't rub it in...

A/N People always call Kikyo a heartless bitch who should rot in hell, however do they ever think how she feels? You know, It's truly not her fault that she is driven by hatred. She didn't ask to be reawoken, she know that IY hadn't really betrayed her. And it's not her fault, other than the fact that she stumbled away, thatthe only has a little bit of her soul left to her was hatred.  
I personally like Kikyo better than Kagome...this is my opinion, and should anyone flame me for my opinion, then they're being stupid. If you're a Kikyo hater, then why are you reading this?!

I wonder...  
By: Cringe

I wonder…  
I wonder why….  
Why are we so different?  
I am her  
She is me  
We are the same person  
So why is it, that we are so different

How is it that we are the same,  
Yet, she is more accepting towards others?  
She is…kinder…more naïve  
Than I was…than…I am…  
Perhaps she is me, as I would have been  
Had I not had all the responsibilities of a priestess  
Piled upon me

I look at her, and feel my fake body go numb  
I hear her laughter, and Inuyasha's response, and feel deaf  
I see their hidden love for each other reflected in their eyes,  
The trust  
And feel a pang in my feeble, fake heart  
I see them with their friends  
I watch them squabble and fight  
Then make up,  
I feel my soul tear in two  
I feel hatred for _him_ well up inside me  
I feel this hatred within me  
I wish to drag him to hell  
Yet, I still love him in my own twisted way  
I love him, yet I do not love him

It is a past love, yet still haunts me  
He has moved on, or rather  
He will move on  
While I'll  
I'll stay the same  
I'll stay the same for forever,  
This small section of a soul  
A terrible mimicry of the pure soul I once was  
Trapped within a body of soil and clay…  
How can I not hate him?  
He was to have perished  
Sealed forever to that sacred tree  
We were both to be dead  
Yet he cheated his death and was awaken by none other than…me  
He escaped unscathed, apart from inner emotional turmoil…  
While I…  
I was resurrected into a dead body  
A body of soil from my grave, and the ash of my flesh and bones

I hate him, yet I do not hate him  
How can you hate  
One you love eternally?  
I wonder  
Why I could not accept him  
For him

That girl  
My reincarnation  
Loves him for who he is  
Yet I asked him to turn human  
For my own selfish desires  
Why is it?  
Did I really love him?  
Yes I did…I still do  
Did I simply wish to become a normal girl?  
Yes…  
Was that the true meaning, of why I asked him to turn human?  
To use the jewel?

I wonder,  
Is it because I did not accept him for who he was,  
That our trust was so fragile?  
Our love not so strong as we believed?  
That girl is remarkable…  
She brought him out of his shell

Yet still I can't help wonder…  
Wonder what-ifs, and whys  
Wonder why I took care of that accursed thief  
What if I had never met Inuyasha  
Would I still have died?  
I now think, and I believe I would have still died  
My fate was sealed the moment I took the responsibility of guarding the sacred jewel.

Little good my wonderings will do for me  
Now that I am dead  
Yet I still wonder  
I wonder whys and what-ifs  
Is it bad for the dead,  
To wonder and reflect on their past, on their life?  
I truly wonder, if I had not taken care of Onigumo  
If I would be the one, to sit beside Inuyasha  
To look at him,  
And gaze at him  
To see my love for him  
Reflected back at me in his golden eyes.

I wonder  
Why I let the anger and betrayal consume me  
When we met at my revival  
I wonder why I had such a strong urge to live, when I was dead  
When that girl called my/her soul back, why did I resist?  
Why did I not just sink back into oblivion, and rest?  
Is it because I could not truly rest in peace because I needed no revenge  
But and understanding of what had happened?  
Yet then why did I stumble away?  
And let my drive on life to be one of rage and anger?

Now I know  
Yet I still seek revenge,  
But this time by plotting the downfall of the demon Naraku  
Yet I still hate him…I still hate Inuyasha  
Yet I still love him…  
I wonder why?

-End-

A/N: If you liked this, then read my other IY poem called "Till I met you" Follows this Poem style, is a lot better, and is from Inuyasha's POV.


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